I know it's been a while, but I thought I'd share this with you.
I'm still confused at some parts but I get the gist of it. I see, now, the deadliness of sin and hell and what you give to whoever the legal right to kill you if you commit a sin. I also understand the need for grace and a savior.
I was in a school that was teaching us different things in different classes. We were learning how to get lost in emotion and many different things in this school. In one of the classes, we learned that if we do something wrong, we will be killed. Not in a spiritual kind of death but a man would come by and cut us into pieces. I remember, in the dream, seeing someone do something wrong (sin) right after the lecture and when that happened, a man came and literally cut him into little pieces in what looked like the most painful way possible. We would collect the bodies of our friends and hide them away. No matter how much we pleaded and begged, there was nothing we could do to stop this man from killing us when we sinned.
I thought everything was fine for me until one day I actually sinned myself. It was something so simple. It was merely telling my sister I didn't want to play with her. The simple act of not giving my sister love triggered the sin and I was condemned. I received a call soon after that from the killer telling me a was soon to die. I begged and I pleaded with him but nothing I could say would change his mind. He always killed people with a knife. He would cut them up while they were still alive. The man knows where you are at all times, too. Or, at least, he will always find you. You can't stay hidden for long.
I finally get the saying, "Dead man walking." When I committed that sin, I was dead. I knew I was going to die. I knew it would be the most painful thing I have ever experienced. There was no hope and no getting out of it. He had me for a brief moment at one point in the dream and cut my finger up pretty badly. I ran away. In fact, I actually killed him during the dream. I got a knife and waited outside of a room he was in. As soon as he walked out the door, I cut his head off. That doesn't stop it, though. It is literal hell. Others took up the task of killing me for my tiny sin. There was no escape. Eventually, I was captured and killed. I have never experienced fear that was quite so literal as this.
The classes, at least the class I can remember, were beautiful. We all stood in a circle and danced. I could literally feel the rhythm in the room and so could everyone else. There was no condemnation and no fear. It was wonderful.
We need a savior and I'm thankful I have Jesus. Without Him, our punishments for our sins would be carried out for an eternity in Hell. With Jesus, we can have confidence that the sting and pain of death will never reach us and for that, we owe our lives. There are still particulars of the dream I do not understand but that's ok. I get the point now. It's actually more than I ever wanted to know.
So a few of you know this story. This was in Eldoret, Kenya. That entire month, I had been having dreams almost every night about God. Well, one night I woke up from a dream and heard this song. I had no idea where it was coming from or who was singing it. I heard the voice and music as clear as if it was playing next to my ear, however Brian (man on my team) and Andrew (Squad Leader) was on the other side of the room. I checked their iPods and saw that they were off. After a while, the music just died out. I checked outside and no one was up and no iPods or music players were on.
The next morning, I told Brian about it and explained what I heard. He knew who it was and let me listen to the song. I was blown away. I don't know why it happened, but it was cool.
Lyrics:
I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah
He's doing a new thing So we're singing a new song
He's not a baby in a manger anymore He's not a broken man on a cross He didn't stay in the grave And He's not staying in heaven forever!
He's alive He's alive He's alive He's alive!
People get ready! Jesus is coming!
We join in the song of the ages It's a new song It's a new song It's a new song
We say to the One who was slain, "You have proven Your love, And You have shown us, shown us That You can be trusted."
So take the scroll and open And open, and open the seals We trust You, Jesus And we want you to come back So take the scroll and open the seals So take the scroll and open the seals
I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah
He's doing a new thing So we're singing a new song
He's not a baby in a manger anymore He's not a broken man on a cross He didn't stay in the grave And He's not staying in heaven forever!
He's alive He's alive He's alive He's alive!
People get ready! Jesus is coming!
People walking around With their fingers in the their ears Singing, "Da da da da da." "I don't want to hear the sound of the coming King."
But He says, he says, "Well, I have held my peace for A long, long, long, long time And in my silence you thought That i was all together like you. And in your heart you were settled in complacency You said, 'He won't even respond.' You said, 'He's not interested." You said, 'He's dead and gone." But I've been silent for such A long, long, long, long time But I'm about to gasp, to pant, To cry out, to cry out, I'm going to shout!"
Once again I'm going to shake Everything that can be shaken Once again I'm going to break Everything that can be broken
So this past month we were in Ukraine... like all of it. We moved 4 times?
We went to Odessa, two villages, and another town across the country. (I have no idea what the name is, haha) It was an AWESOME months filled with laughs and tears.
Odessa:
So we started the first week-and-a-half in Odessa. There we met the church which, oddly enough, was started by a missions organization called "International MESSENGERS!" Isn't that a sign? (If you didn't know, this team is called "The Messengers." We had a few English clubs at the church where we helped some Ukrainians speak English. Not all of them were Christian... in fact, very few were. We would go out everyday and hand out flyers for the English club and those were the people that came? FREE English from Americans? Who wouldn't want to come. Of course, we had the club in the Church, so the topic of Jesus usually came up. Very sneaky, haha.
Villages 1-3:
The three villages were pretty much the same in every place. We just hung-out, really. We played with children, went to bible studies, carried rocks and different things. It was an awesome time and we met many awesome people, but they were over way too quickly. We were only in the second village for one day.
Anyways, this video will give a lot of insight on how the month went. Enjoy.
Hey, everyone. I know it's been a long time. A lot has happened since... when? Rwanda? Kenya? I don't even know anymore. The months have turned into blurs. I have grown in many ways and also seen a lot of ways I NEED to grow. I don't regret anything that has happened, though, up to this point. Since I have accepted Christ, he has been my working my life for the greatest good, so I have no doubt he will continue to do so.
Rwanda
In Rwanda, a lot of "stuff" happened. I found out that I would like to focus more on God than my team, so I stepped down from leadership. I don't regret it, either. I have come to know more about God since then than I did while leading. Jennilee stepped up to team leader and has been doing a great job at it. I enjoyed being with God. It felt like the real reason I was on this trip. After I stepped down, it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was able to minister much better.
The whole month was door to door evangelism and preaching, pretty much. I have never preached so much in my entire life. It was a little discouraging, while d2ding, when we went in houses and they immediately wanted to accept Christ before we really any said anything. A few times people that were already believers would want to give their lives again. We were never quite sure who was legit about it all or not. But then again, only God knows their hearts.
All in all, it was a good month. I can't really say I regret any of it. After all, it made me grow.
Uganda
This month was a little more difficult for me. I can't say I had the best attitude a lot of the time. I do realize now why God told me to trust him at the beginning of the month. I was all, "What? I DO trust you.", and he was all, "No, trust me."
Almost EVERY night there, I had multiple dreams. One night, I had seven total. The entire month I got very little sleep. I was waking up every hour on the hour, pretty much. I wrote down a lot of them. Most of them weren't good, either, but many were spiritual. Some gave me dreams to explain to non-christians about why they should accept Jesus, and some were for me, personally. These many sleepless nights put me in a bad mood, most of the time, too. So it wasn't very good for me or the team.
The team, in general, struggled a lot that month. Four of them got Malaria, one of them for the third time, so a lot of the responsibilities were handed off to the rest of us. It was just a strange month in general, and I'm glad it is over and Africa is over, though I did have a good time.
We were, again, doing a lot of door to door evangelism and peaching, as well as teaching children. I am finding out that I am quite good with children... although I'm not a big fan of them and I was loving evangelizing more than ever.
That month I also got baptized in the SOURCE of the NILE! What an experience. It was the same place where Ghandi's ashes were thrown. It was quite awesome and it was something I would not change for anything else.
India
This month has been a little different. We were sent into a village of about 200 and only one or two were Christians. Most have never seen white people before. Two teams are working together this month, so it makes communicating a little easier. We have been door to door evangelizing every day, but it is very different because they are almost all Hindu. The second day, God used me to bring three people to Christ by something I shared. One of them is giving land to God where we will build a Church. His name is Suuri. I even got to baptize him! First baptism I have been able to be a part of. Such a blessing.
It has been one of the busiest months, too. We have service EVERY night. We door to door all day, and we also do kid's service every day. I am exhausted. Heck, everyone is. We are so thankful to be in town for a few days to rest and get our energy back up. I can't wait to go back, though! Living in a random village for a month and not having a computer has been killing me, but also one of the best experiences of my life. I'm learning more about myself and others this month than pretty much all of Africa!
So this is my dream whom I believe to be about God. There are many ways you can look at this, I'm sure, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what it's about. It's long but I think it's important for all to read. If you don't want to read it, click away, haha.
First of all, let me say that I had a VERY different view about God before tonight. I always thought he was this sovereign man that never really had any feelings, or at least never showed them. Looking back, I don't know why I had those thoughts. It's not biblical at all. God shows more emotion than any human. He does and will always show more emotion than every person on this planet. He only has one emotion, though, and all other emotions stem from this one. Love.
To start, I went to a house. This was an ordinary house yet it was big. Like a mansion. The door was wide open, yet I noticed that there were not many other people there. I couldn't recognize anyone, but that in itself isn't important. Like I said, I was one of the few that actually went into the house even though the door was wide open for everyone. It's strange, too. Imagine walking down the street and you see a mansion with its door wide open for anyone that would like to live there. Would you not live there instead of where you are living now?
As I walked in. I met a man. This man is very happy to see me. He welcomed me and invited me in. He showed me around and talked to me for a while. We started building a relationship. I had not moved in by this point yet but he invited me to have a room. Eventually, (and I don't know when exactly) I moved in. I don't remember ever moving in but it just sort of happened instantly one day without realizing it.
After I moved in, he started inviting me down to his kind of "secret place". A hangout room kind of like a basement. This is the place where we literally just hung out. As we conversed and became better friends, we hung out more and talked about more. It was awesome, really. I remember there being a couch and a big-screen TV. It was like the perfect chill-out pad. There were a few other people there but not many at all. Again, the people aren't important, but the amount of people is.
One day I was coming home from somewhere and as I was about to go down into the basement, I noticed there was someone not happy I was about to go. This person had a bloody knife and mask and was growling. I remember thinking that person shouldn't be there and was wondering to myself why that person would care if I'm going to hang out with my friend. I wasn't afraid of the person, though, and just kept walking past.
I don't remember how the conversation was started. All I remember is winding up in the middle of my friend standing in front of me bawling his eyes out. I have never seen someone look so grief-stricken my entire life. It was a look of pure worry, terror, and sadness. He was very pale and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked weak from worry and his eyes were red from all the crying. I started asking him what was wrong and he started talking about his children.
This man had the blessing of having children multiple times a day. These children appeared as babies out of no where but I think you get the picture. Each one was different and he was caring for each one. After a short amount of time, though, he had to give each baby away for adoption. He still cared for these children deeply, but he needed or wanted others to help him care for them. He was sad every time he had to give one up, but that's just how it was. He had to leave his children's care in the hands of someone else.
I started realizing why he was so upset and I was trying to counsel him. Most of the children never return to him. This was why the house was so empty. In fact, most despise him. He never had anything but good intentions for each one, but they end up not wanting to have anything to do with him. I could look and see the admiration and love for each one as they were put in his arms. I could also see the grief. It was as though he knew which ones would not return.
There are three truths I kind of "knew" as I was talking to him. It's kind of like when you know someone so well that you already know what's wrong before they have to say it.
The three truths are:
That very few of his children end up returning to him.
That sometimes he has has to kill his children.
That he wants to get to know every one of his children, but not a lot want to get to know him.
1.Even if you don't believe there is a God, you are his child. This is very important to understand in your life. Even if YOU don't believe in HIM. He LOVES you. He trusts that whoever adopts you will take care of you and teach you the right way until it's time to come back to the mansion. The mansion isn't heaven. The mansion is right here on Earth. We are all welcome to this mansion. The doors are wide open. He invites everyone to live there when you become old enough. Very few actually look for the mansion and even less find it. This upsets him. Imagine your child having every opportunity to come back to where you have a place ready for them, and they never show up. You put them in someone else's care for the day they have the mindset to come back to the house, and they never return. Now imagine billions of children doing that. Very few actually return. Some even find the house and decide not to stay there.
2. We all know the stories of the bible about God killing people. We see his wrath all the time for different reasons. When I read, I thought it was anger... but it's a loving anger. Do you think God just sat back and enjoyed killing the Earth in the Flood? Do you think he enjoyed killing every first-born Egyptian or killing his people when they started following false Gods? No! He was deeply disturbed about it on a level that we can never understand. We can never understand the ANGUISH he went through and goes through when he is forced to kill his children. It, however, has to pass sometimes for the greater good of it all. Jesus' grace saves all those willing to receive it but for others, it says they will be subject to the same as the Old Testament unbelievers. Have you ever read revelation? What happened in Egypt and during the flood is going to happen on a Global scale at some point. Revelation's judgements are from God, not Satan, and unbelievers will not be protected from it. How would you feel if you had to kill your child? Imagine having to do that to millions and billions of your very own children.
3. Of the people that accepted the invitation to live in the house, there were even less that wanted to get to know him. It was not just a one-time thing. I kept going back until I decided to live there. One usually needs to start a relationship with another before you decide to live with the other person. Especially when you find out the other person is your real father. The thing is, why would you not want to live there? This man is all-good and always has good things for you. There is a down-side, though. The door won't stay open forever. Once it closes, the chance is gone. This door can either mean death or revelation, whichever comes first. You can also decide to move out, too. It's not like you are forced to stay there. The door is always open until death, even to leave.
Like I said, even less wanted to get to know him, talk with him, or hang out with him. Of the few people living in the mansion, even less were invited to the basement. There were only a handful of us down there. I remember seeing them, but I was so into the conversation with him that I didn't pay attention to the others. The deeper you go into God, the deeper he's going to let you in. The more you show that you only want to live with him and become his good friend, the more he is going to want to converse and hang out with you. But again, there were even fewer of us in the basement. Most were content with just living in the protection of the house. Once the invitation for the basement was there, I was welcome any time. I didn't have to ask anymore. I just walked in. I didn't really even consider the mansion my home anymore. The basement was where I spent all my time.
God's anguish for what his children are going through and the fact he can't do anything about it disturbs God on a deep level. Not to say God doesn't talk to us all, even before we believe, but ultimately it's our choice if we want to look for and find the mansion. He wants to be near us all. It's most of us that don't want to be near him and the grief that was on his face because of it is something I never want to see again, although I know I will. There's really nothing you can do to counsel him, either. How do you counsel someone that is losing thousands of children every day? There is nothing you can say to make this man feel better. In fact, when I mentioned that he sometimes kills his children, he got angry. There was a rage for the fact someone took away his children, turned them against him, and he had no choice but to destroy them. It angers and grieves him on a level none of us can relate to.
The dream disturbs me, but I'm glad I had it. Maybe it will help you think a different way about God, maybe not. Maybe you already thought this way. I've been having a lot of these dreams lately and I always look forward to a God-dream, no matter what it is. I just want more of him. I hope it helps you, too.
We taught "David and Goliath" to about 400 Kenyan primary schoolers.
Me with two women in traditional African garb.Our contact's son, Jeremy and some delicious cinnamon rolls!Kenyan grade schoolers.View from prayer mountain. (sorry about the crappy quality)
Will try to get more pictures up soon. (Hopefully monday!)
The hardest three days of my life.
Maybe. I remember some really tough times in my life. Ask me about my high school experience, haha. Anyways, this Monday (1/3/11), we decided to do a three day fast for a member of my team (Jennilee's) diabetes. At first I was really excited because I had always wanted to try a long fast. On the race so far, I had tried quite a few times to do a full day fast but was never able to.
The first day was fine, although my stomach started hurting around 4pm. We prayed that God would take her diabetes away. That night, I had one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had in my life. Something about defeating and adversary that I never could before.
The second day was a lot harder. Possibly the hardest time I've had keeping control of my body in my life. I knew what I was doing the fast for, but my mind kept wanting food. It's amazing, when you aren't eating, all you can think about is eating. Every time my mind went there, I would pray to God to take it away, and he would. I complained a lot, but I pushed through it. It's amazing, really. It felt like I was in a different world. I was never actually felt hungry, but my mind wanted food. The temptation was strong.
The third day was terrible. My stomach never hurt and I never felt hungry, but my mind kept telling me to eat. (Remember, I've never gone one day without eating) There was one time where I was actually in my room with a loaf of bread in my hard and I was on the ground and praying for God to take the temptation away. In the end, I pushed through it and completed the fast.
What I learned:
After my episode on the floor, I really started asking God what the point of all this was. (besides doing it for Jennilee) He spoke very clearly that the purpose of the three day fast was equally for me as it was for her. In my life, I have never been able to resist temptation. I've given my entire life to Jesus but I was still lacking the ability to resist temptation. Through this fast, though, I have learned that through my weakest moments, I can still trust God to pull me through Temptation and trust fully in Him.
PS- Now I'm ready for a week fast... and who knows... maybe a 40 day fast. (Our contact here has done a 120day fast)
Hey, guys. I know it's been a long while, but I just had so much fun in Cambodia that I didn't even realize at the time that I needed to post a blog. Now that I'm in Africa transitioning to our new ministry, I finally have the time to write about it... unfortunately, we don't have internet this month.
I literally get an hour today and maybe more time next Monday. So this is just a brief summary of what happened in Cambodia. Next week, I will post a full version.
While in Thailand, I was asked to be team leader of my newly formed team. I'm in charge of meeting with contacts, keeping up with/keeping the team together, and making decisions for the team. It's a big responsibility I'm thankful for. It's a lot of stress, but in the end, I believe it will make me a more spiritual and outspoken person.
In Cambodia, we taught English every day to preschoolers, primary schoolers, and college age students. It was a lot of fun, although hard. I've never taught before so both slowing down to a pace that they can understand and having to explain words that have abstract meanings to them was a challenge. Not to mention I had to wear a shirt and tie every day to class... I wouldn't have asked for a different ministry, though.
Christmas in Cambodia was great! We had a few teams over to our ministry for a Christmas lunch and we also had all four squad leaders. Getting a present of chips, a beer, and two movies was probably the best thing I could have asked for. It was like an at-home movie night. Reminded me of home.
We also celebrated New Years in the Bangkok airport. I bought expensive dark chocolate to celebrate the occasion. Over the course of the night, we celebrated New Years 6 times, with the final one being in Nairobi, Kenya at 6am. It was pretty awesome.
Now we're in Africa. Eldoret, to be exact. There are very little resources available to us here. This is the most "in the middle of nowhere" my team has ever been. We haven't been outside of the city yet. It's a big change from the norm, which we need.
Next monday, I will have pictures of our living conditions to post, so stay tuned!
First off, I'd like to apologize for not posting a blog sooner. I know you all want to hear about my experiences and I plan on writing more often.
This month, Q squad traveled to Thailand. It was also our MANistry month!
That means the 9 guys on Q squad were all together this month to work for our contacts in whatever needed to be done. Little did we know that while escaping 40 women on the squad, we'd be traveling to 60 girls!
The 60 girls from Remember Nhu!
These girls were at-risk of becoming trafficked for sex. The two families (Tone and his wife and Titus and his wife) each house 30 girls. These are the sweetest young women you will ever meet. It was such a pleasure to spend a month with them. Our main goal this month was just to spend time with them and get to know them.
We also worked on their property. We covered a long driveway with gravel, dug two large holes for fish pools, dug a ditch the length of the driveway for water run-off. It was hard work, but such a rewarding experience.
Not only that, but the city of Chiang Mai was an amazing place to stay. We arrived at the right time, too. The festival of light was going on. Lanterns filled the sky every night. Fireworks, too. The city was packed and there was so much to do.
All in all, it was an amazing month! I couldn't asked for a better one. I'm ready for Cambodia and the challenges it will bring. Whatever they may be. I'll be ready.
We taught "David and Goliath" to about 400 Kenyan primary schoolers.
Me with two women in traditional African garb.
Our contact's son, Jeremy and some delicious cinnamon rolls!
Kenyan grade schoolers.
View from prayer mountain. (sorry about the crappy quality)
